Taking Care of Mom and Dad: Retirement...and Family

The problem with making general statements about retirement is that people head into it with all sorts of different assumptions about what they want. Some, having worked hard for many years in jobs they didn't like or for companies they didn't respect, feel entitled to a high standard of living. They want to drive nice cars, live in plush surroundings and travel as they please.

Others, having lived their lives keenly calibrated to the society around them, see little more than continuing to live in lockstep with the people they know. They want to live around their friends...or at least people like them. They want to belong to clubs. They want to follow traditional patterns of residence, activity and travel.

Others want to be around their families. They want to help raise grandchildren and grandnieces or -nephews. They want to offer support and advice when needed. They look forward to becoming the matriarchs or patriarchs of large clans.

These are just three scenarios. There are hundreds of variations. All of them can be wonderful; all of them can be taken to extremes. And all of them can cost a lot.

The specifics of how your parents live their retirement usually matter less than the attitude that they bring into it. As with all things in life, building family wealth involves a long series of choices. In this case, you may need to make the decision for your parents that a decent condo in Miami or Phoenix allows them to play a lot of quality golf -- and keep their money earning. Let someone else's parents give in to the need to consume conspicuously in Boca Raton or Scottsdale. You and your parents should have longer-term goals.

Regardless of one's age, the best way to build and maintain family wealth is to live beyond money. Earn it. Invest it. Respect it. But don't fear it...or worship it.